UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

New UCMeP Website! Change your bookmarks!

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 11:36:06 -0800

Thanks to a large donation (of time), UCMeP now has a brand-spanking new website. Please change your bookmarks and visit:

http://ucmep.wordpress.com/

Enjoy!

Dangerous words...

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 10:00:00 -0800

From a recent article by Bob Samuels… don’t read if you are easily gullible by sound arguments and/or ethics.

Not only do the bond raters help to determine the cost of borrowing, but they also tell universities what they should do in order to attain a clean bill of fiscal health. For instance, Moody’s slipped into its bond rating for the UC system, the need for the institution to restrain labor costs, increase tuition, diversify revenue streams, feed the money-making sectors, and resist the further unionization of its employees. Like the IMF or World Bank, the bond raters tie access to credit to the dismantling of the public sector and the adoption of free market fundamentalism.

Samuels talks about the neoliberalization of the university like it’s a bad thing.

As Dan “The Monologue Mogulof” might say, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot”?

Photos from the TOOL of the Year Award Ceremony are now online!...

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 13:44:00 -0800

Photos from the TOOL of the Year Award Ceremony are now online! Click on the photo above to view the entire album! (or click here)

TOOL of the Year Keynote Address by the Chairman of UCMeP

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 20:28:00 -0800

On Friday, January 29 UCMeP hosted a very special award ceremony in which UC Berkeley spokesperson Dan “Big-D” Mogulof was named UCMeP’s TOOL of the Year. Mr. Mogulof himself was on hand to receive the award. At Mr. Mogulof’s request, the public spokesperson was given the award in a private event before an audience of about 90 students, faculty, employees, and administrators. More on the event is to come, but you can find the keynote address delivered by the Chairman of UCMeP below:

Delivered January 29, 2010.

Today, we gather to recognize one loquacious man’s masterful service to the administration and police force of the University of California, Berkeley: our very own meister of the media, purveyor of public relations, titan of truth, Dan “Big-D” Mogulof.

Considering all this man has been through in recent months - the beatings, the arrests, the taserings, the tear-gassings, the police raids, the massive tuition hikes - we are just so pleased to give him the credit he deserves for keeping such a straight through it all.

Yet the significance of today’s glamorous event extends well beyond the mere celebration of a single man’s enviable accomplishments.

As I believe you all are well aware, originally, today’s event was to be a public affair, held in Big-D’s office with attendance open to the entire campus community. Yet Big-D’s reticence to receiving the award in public led UCMeP to scale down our plans for a grandiose public spectacle.

While we were at first loathe to make such dramatic changes to today’s event, it soon occurred to us that such a transformation could allow our ceremony to accomplish something that would have otherwise been impossible.

Friends, the private dynamic of what was once intended to be something the entire public could benefit from, makes today’s event a microcosm of what UCMeP is working so hard to achieve here at UC Berkeley. This is our attempt at transforming a small piece of campus property (for however short a time) into what we believe UC Berkeley one day can become: a strictly private affair.

I guess you could say, this is our experiment with what all those nihilistic anarchistic non-student outside agitators currently terrorizing our campus call direct action. Yet unlike the transparency, inclusivity, and publicness that spoiled something like Freeler Hall, today’s more glamorous gala takes inspiration from the models set by our illustrious autocrats at the UC and of course, exemplified in the extralegal student tribunals currently being held on campus.

Recently, I and a small delegation of UCMeP’s elite inner-circle had the privilege to sit down with Big-D and chat about his award. To say that he was humbled by being named T.O.O.L. of the year would be an understatement. Big-D repeatedly emphasized— in his characteristic long-winded manner— that he had not earned the honor UCMeP was bestowing upon him. He reiterated that there are so many others out there who have had a bigger hand in the accomplishments we attributed to him.

D was of course absolutely correct when he averred that he does not deserve all the credit for the path UC Berkeley and public education in California are currently barreling down. We cannot forget the administrators, the legislators, the movie stars-turned-governors, the unbelievable public indifference (dare I say willful ignorance), and of course those unfailing tax structures.

Yet this does not mean that Big-D is not a tool, one used to do the dirty jobs that our decision-makers on campus simply refuse to soil their hands with. He is, of course, not the architect of Berkeley’s future, not even a humble carpenter. But as we all know, if we are going to build the most corporate and instrumentalizing university the world has ever seen, we simply cannot do it if without the right tools. So thank you Mr. Mogulof for being the most reliable of tools.

Just to put all those wicked rumors to rest...

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:50:00 -0800

Absolutely nothing is happening on Friday, January 29.

No secret event.

No glamorous private gala.

Would UCMeP lie to you?

We are as trustworthy as the UC administration and UCPD (who by the way did not dupe the Wheeler 66 - or whatever their cute little name is - they simply outsmarted them).

Revised Award Letter to Dan Mogulof

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:22:00 -0800

Editor’s Note: The following is a revision of the letter sent to UC Berkeley spokesman Dan Mogulof from the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) on December 20, 2009. This letter, which announces Mr. Mogulof’s selection as the Top Outstanding Oratorical Leader (TOOL) of the Year, has been ~~censored~~ revised. During a lunchtime summit meeting with Big-D (what we like to call Mr, Mogulof) on Friday, January 22 , our honoree was kind enough to point out a number “factual” inaccuracies our award committee made in drafting the original announcement (note: our putting the word factual in quotation marks should not indicate that Big-D used the word factual at any point during our summit meeting). We thank Big-D for pointing out these mistakes and in making our corrections have taken inspiration from the mild revisions his office recently made to a press release about the attempted ~~siege~~ protest at Chancellor Birgeneau’s home on the evening of December 11. Also please note that due to security threats, Big-D’s January 29th award ceremony has now been moved to an undisclosed location.

Editor’s Note 2.0: Apparently the press release Big-D’s office released online and which the international press used for their reporting of the protest at the Chancellor’s home (and which may or may not being used as evidence in student conduct hearings) is technically not a press release. It is something completely and totally different, as Big-D recently informed us via email. We apologize for yet another “factual” inaccuracy and any emotional damage it might have caused anyone.

Dear Mr. Mogulof,

It is with deep respect and admiration that we here at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) write to express our gratitude for your masterful performance as UC Berkeley’s Executive Director of Public Affairs. The past months have been trying for all of us here at the University of California. We have seen “radical elements” infiltrate the most hallowed halls of our beloved university. Fanatics have corrupted young and old minds alike with their Bolshevism and dangerous demands to democratize the university’s decision-making processes. These extremists have terrorized us all with “incendiary devices,” militant strikes, fascist spectacles, and ~~“childish”~~ building occupations. Yet in the midst of such threats, you have helped us make sense of the chaos.

As the official spokesman of UC Berkeley, you have been there whenever our administrators, ~~“fearing for their lives”~~ were forced to hide ~~in “undisclosed locations.”~~ You have spoken courageously and eloquently on their behalf, waxing poetically on the value of autocracy during times of emergency. You are always there to answer questions when our leaders ~~refuse to~~ have more pressing business to which they must attend.

Your words have been like a light in darkness, a sherpa in the Himalayas, guiding the UC community and the larger public to conclusions that we simply could not have arrived at without your help. You have taught us not to be fooled by appearances: the face of extremism, you have reminded us repeatedly, is not the one hidden behind the mask of a riot-gear clad police officer wielding a taser in one hand and a truncheon in the other. No, the face of extremism belongs to the unarmed undergraduate who demands her voice be heard and concerns addressed.

You have shown that truth is not a given. That facts are never as concrete as they might seem. And evidence, well, evidence is merely a formality—a pesky obstacle that only gets in the way of powerful people getting what they want.

For all of this and more, sir, UCMeP commends you and is pleased to name you the Top Outstanding Oratorical Leader (TOOL) of 2009. Your unflappable ~~unashamedness,~~ ~~always-~~for-sale rhetorical talents, and wild imagination are to be applauded. You truly embody everything a TOOL stands for.

As UCMeP’s TOOL of the Year, we recognize that you are not simply an easily replaceable propagandist as some might claim (we’re looking at you, http://moguloflies.wordpress.com/). No, you are a first-rate (and highly paid) rhetorician who has studied the greats: Socrates and Shakespeare, Goebbels and Glenn Beck. You have mastered their secrets and clearly grasp that out of rhetoric’s holy trinity (ethos, logos, and pathos), the strategy of preying on populist emotion will always prevail. Who needs logic or ethics when you can mobilize fear to get your point across?

While you have demonstrated your magisterial oratorical abilities throughout your tenure at UC Berkeley, your skills have been most brilliantly on display in recent weeks. The unquestionable ease with which you ~~routinely and indiscriminately denounce UC Berkeley students (and all those nefarious “non-students”)~~ talk about students ~~as criminals, vandals, and/or extremists (sometimes all three at once!)~~ reveals both enviable talent ~~and~~ courage. and Even more astounding has been your ability to deftly reverse our naïve notions of cause and effect. To compellingly argue that the early morning raid and arrests of 66 sleeping students in Wheeler Hall on December 11 was actually motivated by the terrorist action that took place later that night outside of Chancellor Birgeneau’s mansion demonstrates a formidable imagination.

UCMeP also commends you for your unwavering commitment to the welfare (sorry to use such an ugly word) of the University of California. Considering your paltry salary of $155,861.55 (http://ucpay.globl.org) (Editor’s note: his salary is now some $20,000 less although we are not clear on the exact number. The figure we quoted is from a few years ago when he was given a bonus that may or may not have had anything to do with his handling of the UC Berkeley tree sitters and the UC- British Petroleum deal), it is clear that you cherish UC Berkeley more than the students you regularly vilify in the press. Of course, your love for the university runs deeper than that of the student with a 4.0 GPA (who plans to work for Teach for America after graduation) who you and Governor Schwarzenegger recently defamed as a terrorist for committing acts of terrorism .

Now that the District Attorney has inexplicably decided to hold off pressing charges against this student and the seven others arrested during the vicious and well-coordinated arson attack on Chancellor Birgeneau’s home (all due to lack of evidence … psssh), we are proud that you ~~are standing by your previous denunciations, evidence or not~~ are asking your office to make mild revisions to month old press releases. An apology would merely show signs of weakness and demonstrate a wavering resolve. Who needs to apologize for ruining this young man’s reputation when budget cuts make it so that you will not get paid overtime for doing so?

We encourage you to not take your award lightly. Being named UCMeP’s TOOL of the Year comes with high expectations. You have received it not only in recognition of your past achievements, but also your incredible potential. We encourage you to continue finding innovative ways to challenge the students at the University of California. Keep thinking of new words and phrases to ~~defame~~ talk about a movement that so dangerously calls for democracy, equality, diversity, justice, and the end of police violence. We send our most heartfelt congratulations, and are most confident that you will live up to the high standards of being a TOOL.

Faithfully yours,

The UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

www.privatizeUCnow.tumblr.com

Facebook: UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

The “Unison”©: A Synergistic Model for the Solvent Merger of California’s Universities and Prisons (Part 2 of 2)

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:42:00 -0800

Abstract. The following is the second part of a two-part study drawn up by the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP). Part One of this groundbreaking study gives approbation to the Governor’s recent public-relations-stunt-disguised-as-a-budget-proposal (to “support public education” by privatizing the state prison system). Despite their appreciation of the governor’s rhetorical maneuvers, Part Two explains UCMeP’s concern that the proposal unnecessarily pits prisons against universities. UCMeP then unveils an innovative proposal for unifying the privatization projects of education and incarceration in the State of California, calling for the synergistic creation of the world’s first combined university-prison institution, or the Unison©. To conclude, UCMeP details the remarkable and innovative steps administrators at UC Berkeley are already taking towards synergizing education and incarceration.

PART TWO: University + Prison = the Unison©

We here at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) were cautiously thrilled by the innovative budget plan recently rolled out by our burly hunk of a governor, Mr. Schwarzenegger, on Friday, January 8. In Part 1 of our study (which you can read here) we celebrated Arnie’s wonderfully-wily plan to allow our once-golden state to cut its losses on its multi-decade long prison building spree (what UCMeP has long preferred to call “California’s Long-Term Penal Infrastructural Development and Beautification Project”) by deftly accelerating its plans to de-regulate the incarceration industry into a competitive private venture. We were especially encouraged by Schwarzenegger’s savvy decision to present this proposal under the inspiringly insidious pretense of “supporting” public education. What a brilliant move to demobilize the terrorist network currently wreaking havoc throughout our state in the name of preserving that wasteful (dis-)service of “public” education!

Despite Arnie’s honorably deceitful proposal, we here at UCMeP, like so many other groups at the University of California, could not help but be critical of the way in which the governor’s plan pits universities against students. Yet unlike those mischief-makers at OccupyCa (see the Marxist circuity and disgusting rationality of their response to the governors’ proposal http://occupyca.wordpress.com/), UCMeP is not calling for any “unity… in the struggle against the privatization of both schools and prisons,” but instead urges for the privatization of schools and prisons to be unified. Rather than separate the two privatization projects, we believe universities and prisons should consolidate their efforts. We aver that such unity must abide by the time-tested and fiscally sound corporate strategy of synergy.

Instead of pitting the state’s two most internationally renowned institutions against each other, the privatization projects of incarceration and education – two lucrative business ventures that have been kept separate for far too long in the golden State of California – should be efficiently and profitably consolidated through a careful yet speedy merger. For the end product of such a consolidation, UCMeP envisions an entirely novel, bankable, and combinatory incarceratory-educational entity called, the Unison© (short for the University-Prison). Like its pithy and cleverly efficient name suggests, the actual form such a groundbreaking merger would take should draw on the most profitable characteristics of both the university and the prison, all the while strategically excising the less “solvent” parts.

Now, some might claim that such an innovative project will never come to pass. To this, we would simply like to point to how experiments with the Unison© are already well underway in California. We find it instructive to look specifically at University of California at Berkeley, which has taken the greatest strides towards transforming itself into a combination university-prison.

As anyone who has recently stepped foot on the campus of UC Berkeley can attest, the prisonification of what once was “the world’s best public university” (which is of course an oxymoron) is already at foot. What was once “a hotbed of communism and homosexuality” (according to former governor Ronald Reagan), UC Berkeley has recently become an instructive paragon in penal and educational synergy, incorporating a number of practices from more-established correction facilities, and in some cases, even improving upon and making more efficient established incarceratory procedures. On this note, we would like to conclude this short missive by pointing to just three of the many innovative steps UC Berkeley has taken to synergize education and incarceration, which we hope other universities will draw on for guidance:

Synergy Step #1: Replace Faculty with Police. Not only has the UC Berkeley administration recently demonstrated sound fiscal decision-making abilities by getting rid of redundant staff, faculty, and union employees (as well as starting to push out those expensive middle-class students), but in doing so, administrators have replaced them with increased numbers of police officers who are now a familiar presence on campus both aesthetically and tangibly. Far from being a drain on resources, however, this growing cohort of police officers is actually a long-term investment in the university’s fiscal and academic future. In the long-run, we believe increased numbers of moderately-paid police on campus will ultimately phase out the outdated, aging, and much higher-paid tenured faculty in the Humanities and Social Sciences, thus ultimately saving the university money. Additionally, the lessons of obedience, discipline, and respect for authority that officers can literally pound into the university’s impressionable minds, we believe, will help build a much sounder and more acquiescent citizenry than the critical thinkers and rabble-rousing socialists those armchair-activists in the Humanities currently aspire to churn out.

Synergy Step #2: Infrastructural Resource Maximization through Overcrowding. As is well known, California’s prison industry saves untold millions each year by practicing sound infrastructural and personnel austerity measures. While some activist judges at the federal level (undoubtedly bribed by the rich prison union lobby) have determined these measures as contributing to massive overcrowding in the state’s many prisons (even ordering California to cut its prison population by 40,000 over the next two years, a demand Schwarzenegger wisely ignored), these efforts are actually an enviable model of resource maximization. This is a lesson UC administrators seem to have learned well as evidenced by their shrewd decisions to increase already high class-sizes while slashing course offerings.

Synergy Step #3: Closed Tribunals instead of Transparent Trials. While UC Berkeley has transposed a number of practices regularly used in prisons directly onto the university, UC administrators have also impressively enhanced many of the criminal justice system’s most inefficient procedures. Perhaps the best example of this can be seen in the brilliant steps UC Berkeley has recently taken to revamp the efficacy of tired and inefficient juridical processes in its campaign of criminalization against students. In the many exciting tribunals currently being held against dissenting students (what the administration creatively terms ‘student conduct hearings’), UC Berkeley has not hesitated in throwing out all notions of giving students the right to a fair trial. Unlike the highly bureaucratic and rule-bound state criminal justice system, UC Berkeley bravely recognizes that things like a compelling body of evidence, trial by jury, and the right to legal representation are simply (costly) obstacles that stand in the way of speedy and efficient punishments. In their bold and enviable disregard for justice, UC Berkeley has demonstrated, that the public university system is much more adept than its counterparts in the justice system at saving costs and ensuring convictions.

As UC Berkeley tirelessly works to shed its anachronistic (not to mention narrow) educational mission by promoting synergy between the two burgeoning industries of incarceration and education, we here at UCMeP look forward to the day when the University of California and the state prison system will officially combine forces to make real the dream of a born-again UC: the Unison© of California. And perhaps we will even be able to soon add a new UC to our venerable campus roster: UC San Quentin.

Faithfully Yours,

UCMeP

www.privatizeUCnow.tumblr.com

Facebook: UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

UCMePberkeley@gmail.com

The “Unison”©: A Synergistic Model for the Solvent Merger of California’s Universities and Prisons (Part 1 of 2)

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:23:00 -0800

Abstract. The following is the first part of a two-part study drawn up by the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP). Part One of this groundbreaking study gives approbation to the Governor’s recent public-relations-stunt-disguised-as-a-budget-proposal (to “support public education” by privatizing the state prison system). Despite their appreciation of the governor’s rhetorical maneuvers, Part Two explains UCMeP’s concern that the proposal unnecessarily pits prisons against universities. UCMeP then unveils an innovative proposal for unifying the privatization projects of education and incarceration in the State of California, calling for the synergistic creation of the world’s first combined university-prison institution, or the Unison©. To conclude, UCMeP details the remarkable and innovative steps administrators at UC Berkeley are already taking towards synergizing education and incarceration.

PART 1: Two Cheers for the Guv

Ostensibly in response to the shrill whining and self-serving complaints coming from “concerned” citizens that California spends more on its 170,000 prison inmates (only 1 out of every 200 residents of California) than its students, Arnold and friends unveiled a wonderfully-wily plan that would allow our once-golden state to cut its losses on its multi-decade long prison building spree (what UCMeP has long preferred to call “California’s Long-Term Penal Infrastructural Development and Beautification Project”) by deftly accelerating its plans to de-regulate the incarceration industry into a competitive private venture.

We were especially encouraged by Schwarzenegger’s savvy decision to present this proposal under the inspiringly insidious pretense of “supporting” public education, by effectively swapping the pieces of the state budget pie that the prison system and the universities receive (in Arnie’s new budget, prisons will get no more than 7% of the budget while universities would receive no less than 11%). What a shocking reversal for a guy who during his tenure as governor of California increased spending on prisons by 32% while slashing education funding by a 1/10!

Thankfully, what appears at first glance like a pledge from Arnie to increase ‘public’ funding to the state’s universities, is nothing of the sort. In what follows, we put our our deft and muscly fiscal minds at work to wade through the rhetoric of this remarkably insidious proposal and to find its true (and mostly wonderful) ambitions. In so doing, we offer two cheers for the governor’s proposal:

Cheer #1: Besides the fact that the lobbying power of the pesky prison unions will probably ensure the failure of this lameduck proposal in the legislature, the plan’s guarantee of a higher percentage of the budget for universities doesn’t actually translate to more funds being wasted on state’s public universities (yet alone a restoration of the billions already cut). The proposal only guarantees an increased percentage of the budget and since the exponential slashing and burning of anything reminiscent of social(-ist) services will likely continue along its well-worn two-decade long path, it’s almost impossible to think that the state’s universities will be getting any more money than they already are! Yippee! And even if the proposal does pass, you can find consolation in the fact that its promised draconian cuts to k-12 education and the community college system take screwing over public education to a whole new and ambitious level!

Cheer #2: And as we quickly realized, the governor’s promotion of this ultimately hollow budget restructuring plan as an attempt to “support” public education was actually a brilliant effort to demobilize the violent and extremist terrorist network currently wreaking havoc throughout our state in the name of preserving that wasteful (dis-)service some naively call “public” education. Despite the fact that the proposal doesn’t actually offer anything substantial (let alone tangible) to the universities, this demobilizing endeavor must assuredly be the cause of President Yudof’s “deep appreciation” of the plan. Either that or he just loves the “the Guv’s” excellent choice of almonds and boots (see Yudof’s January 12th tweet of his meeting with Arnie: http://twitter.com/mark_yudof/status/7695906360).

Stay tuned for “Part 2: University + Prison = Unison©”, coming soon!

UCMeP Selects UC Berkeley Spokesman Dan Mogulof as the Top Outstanding Oratorical Leader (TOOL) of the Year

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 11:06:00 -0800

The following is a letter sent this morning to UC Berkeley spokesman Dan Mogulof from the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP). The letter announces Mr. Mogulof’s selection as the Top Outstanding Oratorical Leader (TOOL) of the Year. The award will be given to Mr. Mogulof by UCMeP representatives at his office (101 Sproul Hall) during a very special ceremony on Friday, January 29 at 11:00AM. UCMeP would like to invite the entire UC community to celebrate this man’s wonderful and inspiring service to the University of California by attending the award ceremony.

12.18.09

Dear Mr. Mogulof,

It is with deep respect and admiration that we here at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) write to express our gratitude for your masterful performance as UC Berkeley’s Executive Director of Public Affairs. The past months have been trying for all of us here at the University of California. We have seen “radical elements” infiltrate the most hallowed halls of our beloved university. Fanatics have corrupted young and old minds alike with their Bolshevism and dangerous demands to democratize the university’s decision-making processes. These extremists have terrorized us all with “incendiary devices,” militant strikes, fascist spectacles, and “childish” building occupations. Yet in the midst of such threats, you have helped us make sense of the chaos.

As the official spokesman of UC Berkeley, you have been there whenever our administrators, “fearing for their lives” were forced to hide in “undisclosed locations.” You have spoken courageously and eloquently on their behalf, waxing poetically on the value of autocracy during times of emergency. You are always there to answer questions when our leaders ~~refuse to~~ have more pressing business to which they must attend.

For all of this and more, sir, UCMeP commends you and is pleased to name you the Top Outstanding Oratorical Leader (TOOL) of 2009. Your unflappable unashamedness, always-for-sale rhetorical talents, and wild imagination are to be applauded. You truly embody everything a TOOL stands for.

While you have demonstrated your magisterial oratorical abilities throughout your tenure at UC Berkeley, your skills have been most brilliantly on display in recent weeks. The unquestionable ease with which you routinely and indiscriminately denounce UC Berkeley students (and all those nefarious “non-students”) as criminals, vandals, and/or extremists (sometimes all three at once!) reveals both enviable talent and courage. Even more astounding has been your ability to deftly reverse our naïve notions of cause and effect. To compellingly argue that the early morning raid and arrests of 66 sleeping students in Wheeler Hall on December 11 was actually motivated by the terrorist action that took place later that night outside of Chancellor Birgeneau’s mansion demonstrates a formidable imagination.

UCMeP also commends you for your unwavering commitment to the welfare (sorry to use such an ugly word) of the University of California. Considering your paltry salary of $155,861.55 (http://ucpay.globl.org), it is clear that you cherish UC Berkeley more than the students you regularly vilify in the press. Of course, your love for the university runs deeper than that of the student with a 4.0 GPA (who plans to work for Teach for America after graduation) who you and Governor Schwarzenegger recently defamed as a terrorist.

Now that the District Attorney has inexplicably decided to hold off pressing charges against this student and the seven others arrested during the vicious and well-coordinated arson attack on Chancellor Birgeneau’s home (all due to lack of evidence … psssh), we are proud that you are standing by your previous denunciations, evidence or not. An apology would merely show signs of weakness and demonstrate a wavering resolve. Who needs to apologize for ruining this young man’s reputation when budget cuts make it so that you will not get paid overtime for doing so?

We encourage you to not take your award lightly. Being named UCMeP’s TOOL of the Year comes with high expectations. You have received it not only in recognition of your past achievements, but also your incredible potential. We encourage you to continue finding innovative ways to challenge the students at the University of California. Keep thinking of new words and phrases to defame a movement that so dangerously calls for democracy, equality, diversity, justice, and the end of police violence. We send our most heartfelt congratulations, and are most confident that you will live up to the high standards of being a TOOL.

Faithfully yours,

The UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

www.privatizeUCnow.tumblr.com

Facebook: UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

On the Limits of Legitimate Protest: An Open Letter from UCMeP to the UC Community

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:52:00 -0800

We here at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) were appalled by the actions taken on December 2, 2009 by an errant group of demonstrators who sought to disrupt the “non-political” commemoration of the 45th Anniversary of Mario Savio’s famous speech by pushing their own selfish political agenda. As hundreds gathered on Sproul Plaza for the free pizza and giveaways promised by the ASUC, this swarm of hooligans stormed the event bearing banners and signs that had nothing at all to do with the legacy and museumification of the Free Speech Movement. “Democratize the Regents”? “Reclaim Cal”? What do those demands have to do with selling stale coffee and over-priced salads to undergraduates?

While none of us here at UCMeP actually attended the event (most of us were too busy gleefully re-watching YouTube clips of riot-gear-clad police pummeling students during the November 20th Wheeler “burglary”), we read all about how these lawless criminals failed to respect what the Academic Council has recently described as the “limits of protest.” Once again, a violent minority of trust fund anarchists turned to inappropriate and illegitimate tactics, which threatened everyone’s civil right to enjoy free samples of Naked Juice (which were generously provided at the event by Naked Juice’s PepsiCo distributor).

Faced with such formidable threats, it is no wonder that Homeland Security felt it necessary to close both Sproul and California Hall yesterday, fearing that a bunch of unwashed hippies might invade the administration’s hallowed halls to hold a drugged-out techno-rave and transform the Chancellor’s office into the prized site of a 24-hour drum circle.

Don’t these so-called “activists” understand that like the Free Speech Movement, the moment for taking action has passed and the time for opportunistic revisionism is at hand? You all have had your fun. Now just sit back and look forward to the opening of “The Movement Against Privatization Bubble Tea Stand,” which the next round of student fee hikes will be used as bond collateral to build. Take pride in what you have accomplished. Maybe in 45 years you too can come back to Cal for a celebration of your own on Sproul Plaza, which by then will have been renamed British Petrolium’s Sony BMG Square for Advanced Weaponry Research.

In the meantime, for those of you who feel you must persist in your misguided adventurism, UCMeP would like to offer two pieces of sage advice, both of which echo remarks made recently by Chancellor Birgeneau, the Academic Council, and others:

1. Remember who the true enemy is: democracy. Autocratic and undemocratically elected leaders like the Board of Regents and President Mark Yudof did not make this crisis (although they are trying to make the most out of it, if you know what we mean). Instead, as Chancellor Birgeneau has repeatedly affirmed in his letters to the UC Berkeley community, fault for the problems (or opportunities?) the University of California now faces rests with your state representatives. The fact that officials who were democratically elected have failed you so miserably just goes to show the limits of democracy and, more crucially, the danger of calls for the democratization of the Regents. This is why we here at UCMeP continue to commend the UC Regents and the rest of the UC administration for courageously making decisions that blatantly dismiss the interests and concerns of everyone else.

2. Make sure the protest tactics you use DO NOT threaten the daily operations of the university. After all, if business is not allowed to go on as usual, then the business of education will have a hard time going on at all. Is that what you are really striving for? Do you actually want to, as someone whose name really isn’t worth mentioning twice in the same letter once said, “put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and […] make it stop”? Do you have any idea how much money that would cost?

So, as this somewhat uneventful semester draws to a close, we hope all activists at the University of California will head into 2010 heeding our modest advice. Not only will doing so help your movement’s marketability in the long-run, but it will also ensure the smooth and efficient privatization of the world’s premiere public university.

Faithfully yours,

The UC Movement for Efficient Privatization

www.privatizeUCnow.tumblr.com

Facebook: UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

Judith Butler vs. Mark Yudof? So not fair.

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:56:00 -0700

It really isn’t fair that the plebeian masses of the UC have one of the world’s greatest living rhetoricians on their side, while we here at UCMeP have as our public spokesperson, well, um, Mark Yudof.

In the interest of fair debate, check out Judith Butler’s op-ed in that communist rag of a newspaper, The Guardian. And please don’t waste your time comparing the eloquence of her argument to Overlord Yudof’s, it’s not really a fair fight.

Mark Yudof in the Ny Times and looking dapper as ever

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:41:00 -0700

Yesterday our illustrious despot, President Mark Yudof, gave an interview to the New York Times on the very day of the UC-wide Walkout. As always, his timing was impeccable and his comments, well, UCMeP could not have offered a better interview.

Please be aware, this is the person who is defending public education in front of the state of California. He is the public face of the UC.

For all of you who value public education, these facts should probably scare the sh*t out of you. We at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization, on the other hand, are proud of his flippant attitude toward public education.

Please know, we at UCMeP will be working tirelessly over the next few weeks to raise enough money to purchase President Yudof an aircraft that is comparable to Air Force One like he requests at the end of the interview.

We have pasted it below in its entirety:

BIG MAN ON CAMPUS: Questions for Mark Yudof

by Deborah Solomon

As president of the University of California, the most prestigious of the state-university systems, you have proposed that in-state tuition be jacked up to more than $10,000, from $7,788. Are you pricing education beyond the reach of most students?

In 2009, U.C. adopted the Blue and Gold Program, guaranteeing that no student with a family income below $60,000 would pay any fees, and this guarantee will continue in 2010. That’s the short answer.

U.C. is facing a budget shortfall of at least $753 million, largely because of cuts in state financing. Do you blame Governor Schwarzenegger for your troubles?

I do not. This is a long-term secular trend across the entire country. Higher education is being squeezed out. It’s systemic. We have an aging population nationally. We have a lot of concern, as we should, with health care.

And education?
The shine is off of it. It’s really a question of being crowded out by other priorities.

Already professors on all 10 U.C. campuses are taking required “furloughs,” to use a buzzword.
Let me tell you why we used it. The faculty said “furlough” sounds more temporary than “salary cut,” and being president of the University of California is like being manager of a cemetery: there are many people under you, but no one is listening. I listen to them.

The word “furlough,” I recently read, comes from the Dutch word “verlof,” which means permission, as in soldiers’ getting permission to take a few days off. How has it come to be a euphemism for salary cuts?
Look, I’m from West Philadelphia. My dad was an electrician. We didn’t look up stuff like this. It wasn’t part of what we did. When I was growing up we didn’t debate the finer points of what the word “furlough” meant.

How did you get into education?
I don’t know. It’s all an accident. I thought I’d go work for a law firm.

Some people feel you could close the U.C. budget gap by cutting administrative salaries, including your own.
The stories of my compensation are greatly exaggerated.

When you began your job last year, your annual compensation was reportedly $828,000.
It actually was $600,000 until I cut my pay by $60,000. So my salary is $540,000, but it gets amplified because people say, “You have a pension plan.”

What about your housing allowance? How much is the rent on your home in Oakland?
It’s about $10,000 a month.

Does U.C. pay for that on top of your salary?
Yes, and the reason they do that is because they have a president’s house, it needed $8 million of repairs and I decided that was not the way to go. Why the heck would I ever authorize $8 million for a house I didn’t want to live in anyhow?

Why can’t you have architecture students repair the house for course credit?
Let me ponder that.

Do you raise a lot of income from private donations?
We don’t do it in the office of the president. The focus is campus by campus: Santa Cruz or U.C.L.A. or Berkeley or San Diego, Davis. They have their own development offices, and I’m there to — some of the things I do very well. I smile, I shake hands, I tell jokes.

Why can’t you raise money, too?
I’m out there hustling, but I go where the chancellors invite me. Otherwise they get upset.

What about Hollywood people? Do they just give to U.C.L.A. at the expense of the other campuses?
I don’t know where they give. I’ve only met a few. I met Marg Helgenberger from “C.S.I.” at a dinner for Nobel laureates. I don’t know how either one of us got invited, but I enjoyed that, sure.

What do you think of the idea that no administrator at a state university needs to earn more than the president of the United States, $400,000?
Will you throw in Air Force One and the White House?

You can see part of our chairman’s speech about 45 seconds...

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:43:16 -0700

You can see part of our chairman’s speech about 45 seconds in and part of our auction at the end of the video.

UCMeP in Full Force in Front of 5,000+ People

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:27:03 -0700

UC Berkeley Buys-In

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:12:00 -0700

By anyone’s account, Thursday, September 24 was a momentous day in the history of the University of California. Aside from the minor unrest (UC Berkeley walkout) caused by thousands of faculty, staff and students, the day was a total success— mostly thanks to the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization, of course.

The result of the “Buy-In” went well beyond our wildest dreams and we are proud to say that we successfully auctioned off 4 major UC Berkeley landmarks today: Memorial Stadium (plus the native american burial ground beneath it), Sather Tower, Sather Gate, and Sproul Plaza! Unfortunately, we found out during the auction that Lawrence Livermore Labs had already been bought off.

We had (literally) thousands of bids on these properties and we want to thank everyone for their eager support for helping to efficiently privatize the University of California.

We will post pictures soon!

UCMeP Demands

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:05:00 -0700

As we all know, with UCMeP’s help, tomorrow promises to be one of the most momentous days in the history of the University of California.

With just one day to go, UCMeP would like to remind its faithful followers of the three modest demands we are rallying for:

1. We demand the end to all organizing, troublemaking, and general hullabaloo by UC faculty, employees, and students against the privatization of the University of California. In times of crisis, bureaucratic protocols like democracy, shared governance, and public debate are only obstacles in the way of efficient privatization and must not be tolerated.

2. We demand that all demands for greater transparency of the University of California budget cease immediately. Transparency will only lead to further outrage and lend support to criticisms of President Yudof and the Regents, thus slowing the process of privatization.

3. We demand that the proposed impermanence of furloughs, layoffs, and “graduated” wage reductions be seriously reconsidered. Such “cost-saving” measures should instead be extended and expanded. UCOP was 110% correct in declaring that: “Suggesting that the families of the 3,600 people making over $200,000 per year should be affected exclusively and even more disproportionately that they are already to be affected is counterproductive.” And only a 32% increase in tuition next year? Come on. Can’t we do better than that? Where is the ambition in such a modest proposal?

Haas Business School leading the way

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:38:00 -0700

We were heartened by the following email to undergraduate students from the higher-ups at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business. Employing scare tactics and encouraging students to rat out Professors and GSI’s in an effort to debilitate this Thursday’s walk-out is just what the situation calls for! Let the red-baiting begin! Thank you Haas for leading the charge!

Dear Haas Students:

Many of you are aware that there is a call for research faculty at many of UC’s ten campuses, including Berkeley, to stage a walkout tomorrow, September 24, to express their dismay over recent University budget cuts and student fee increases. Simultaneously, the Union of Professional and Technical Workers (UPTE) will be holding a strike over labor issues. What you need to know is that the leadership of the UC system-wide Academic Senate opposes the walkout and that the American Federation of Teachers, which represents our professional faculty (lecturers), has advised its members not to cancel classes . The University views the strike as illegal and has published a set of questions and answers for employees. We are not formally aware of any Haas faculty or GSI’s who are participating in the walkout, and you should plan to attend class as usual. If, however, you show up for a class and it has been cancelled, kindly contact your program office immediately.

Regards,
Jay

Jay Stowsky, PhD

Senior Assistant Dean for Instruction

Haas School of Business

University of California, Berkeley

545 Student Services Building #1900

(oh and Jay has a sweet mustache)

Time to Act

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:56:00 -0700

The following document from the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization has been deemed unfit for publication by no less than 12 newspapers: the Oakland Tribune, the Contra-Costa Times, the Daily Cal, the East Bay Express, the San Francisco Bay Guardian, the Berkeley Daily Planet, the Daily Cal, the Sacramento Bee, the Los Angeles Times, the Orange County Register, the New York Times, and the SF Chronicle (judging from their reporting on the UC budget cuts, we thought this last newspaper would have loved to publish something from UCMeP).

We here at UCMeP understand this to be nothing short of a concerted attempt by the leftist media to squash the views of UCMeP. Please help us get out the word about UCMeP’s plans for Thursday, September 24 by forwarding the following declaration widely. Our right of free speech (not to mention the efficient privatization of the University of California) is at stake.

Privatize Now! Ask questions later: A Manifesto for Privatization

Like so many other faculty, staff, and students of the University of California, we are extremely concerned by the pending privatization of the world’s premiere public university. Yet, unlike the thousands of faculty, staff, and students whining over the direction in which certain elites are steering the UC, we at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) are deeply troubled by the snail’s pace at which this inevitable transformation is proceeding.

While UCMeP continues to maintain 110% confidence in the magisterial abilities of President Yudof and the UC Board of Regents, we wholeheartedly believe that the privatization of the University of California can and should occur more efficiently and swiftly. Rather than a forward-looking “Commission on the Future,” which has already been set up by Regent Russell Gould and President Mark Yudof to facilitate the slow privatization of the UC, we propose a “Commission on the Now!” After all, why wait for tomorrow, when you can act today?

With this said, our enduring faith in the maxim “time is money” has made our decision an easy one: UCMeP will take direct and immediate action to privatize the University of California now.

UCMeP’s campaign is already well underway. In recent weeks, we have mobilized members of the UC community who share our conviction that the University of California has fallen dreadfully behind the times by pursuing a goal of excellence in public education. We fully understand that the road ahead will not be easy. The privatization of the UC will demand certain sacrifices. Yet as we all know, to make an omelette, you have to break a couple eggs. And if those eggs include things such as the quality of the classes offered by the UC, the living standards of its employees, and the UC’s reputation around the world for being a bastion of creative and critical thought, then so be it. Our mission to privatize the University of California is clear. And we take heart from the inspiring words of Regent Gould who last week averred, “[W]e are determined not to let a crisis deter us from our mission.”

Recently, UCMeP has been appalled by the bolshevism and steady stream of disinformation about the budget cuts proffered by extremists and moderates alike in the media. We believe that groups such as GSOC, SAVE, SWAT, and AFSCME have declared war on the wrong enemies. President Yudof, UCOP, the UC Regents, and the California State Legislature are not responsible for the crisis we are now facing. These brave administrators and dedicated legislators are working tirelessly and getting paid top dollar to fix the University of California. They are developing innovative plans for transforming the UC from the best public university in the world to something that actually matters in society. We must recognize that the real enemies here are not our despotic leaders, but rather fiscally reckless priorities like student diversity and small faculty-to-student ratios.

In response, then, to the demands demanded by our acronym-bearing brethren, UCMeP posits the following three demands of our own:

The state of California and UC leaders are working hard to maximize profits by selling off the reputation of the UC. To help expedite this process, UCMeP invites you to join us by taking direct action on Thursday, September 24. Following the planned walk-out rally on Sproul Plaza, UCMeP will be holding a “Buy-In” to auction off important campus landmarks to the highest bidder. By (literally) investing in the future of the University of California, you can help efficiently privatize the UC. Please gather at the steps of Sproul Hall at 12:00PM ready with cash, check, or money order (unfortunately, we cannot accept credit cards). If you would like to help organize what promises to be a defining event in the history of the University of California, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Thank you for your unwavering support of the University of California. Together we can make everyone’s dream of privatizing the nation’s best public university a reality.

Sincerely,

The UC Movement for Efficient Privatization

Buy-In: Preliminary Details

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 10:14:10 -0700

Like so many other faculty, staff, and students of the University of California, we at UCMeP are extremely concerned by the pending privatization of the world’s premiere public university. Yet, unlike the thousands of faculty, staff, and students whining over the direction in which certain elites are steering the UC, we at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) are deeply troubled by the snail’s pace at which this inevitable transformation is proceeding.

While we continue to maintain 110% confidence in the magisterial abilities of President Yudof and the UC Board of Regents, we wholeheartedly believe that the privatization of the University of California can and should occur more efficiently and swiftly.

Our enduring faith in the maxim “time is money” has made our decision an easy one: UCMeP must take direct and immediate action to privatize the University of California now.

In an effort to help make privatization a more efficient and speedy process, we will be holding a very exciting direct action auction of some of UC Berkeley’s key campus landmarks, in what we are calling a “Buy-in”.

Please stay tuned for further details.

Official Announcement: UCMeP's Adopt-a-Regent Campaign (ARC)

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:54:00 -0700

Today, UCMeP’s new Philanthropy wing (UCMePP) announced the start of a very special philanthropic opportunity. Please help spread the word by sending out the following message to anyone you think might be interested:

————————————-

Dear [Name Here}

On behalf of UC Movement for Efficient Privatization-Philanthropy (UCMePP), I am thrilled to announce a very special philanthropic project we here at UCMeP have been working hard to organize: the Adopt-a-Regent Campaign (ARC).

Despite our probable differences in opinion over the direction in which President Yudof and the UC Regents are masterfully steering the University of California, I think we can agree on at least one thing: during these tough economic times, no one is taking a bigger hit than our hardworking public servants.

Something needs to be done.

That’s why we here at UCMeP are taking action. And so, in an effort to help ease the troubles of California’s 26 most under-appreciated and under-valued public employees, UCMeP is proud to announce the start of its Adopt-a-Regent Campaign (ARC); a long-term philanthropic project that we hope will raise funds to support our struggling community of dedicated administrators and overlords at the University of California: the UC Board of Regents.

You are likely wondering, this philanthropic campaign sounds great, how can I get involved?

Well, that’s easy. There are three simple ways to show your support :

1. Help coordinate a visit by UCMeP representatives to your class, section, meeting, or other UC Berkeley event. UCMeP is currently looking for opportunities to give short five-minute (or less) presentations on the Adopt-a-Regent-Campaign at UC Berkeley. In these brief presentations, we will offer short background information on the UC Regents, followed by a pitch for the Adopt-a-Regent Campaign, and UCMeP’s upcoming UC-wide “Buy-in” on September 24, 2009 (in opposition to the planned faculty walk-out). If you would like a representative from UCMeP to come give a very short presentation on the UC Regents and the Adopt-a-Regent Campaign, please email us at UCMePberkeley@gmail.com.

2. Donate to the Adopt-a-Regent-Campaign! Please feel free to mail cash or check directly to the UC Regents at:

Office of the Secretary of the Regents

1111 Franklin Street, 12th Floor

Oakland, Ca 94607

***Make checks payable to “UC Board of Regents” and include as a memo: “UCMeP’s Adopt-a-Regent Campaign”

3. Get involved with UCMeP! Contact us if you are interested in learning more about or getting involved with either ARC or future UCMeP projects!

We look forward to your help raising support for this very worthy cause. Together we can make President Yudof and the UC Board of Regents’ dream of privatizing the nation’s best public university a reality!

Sincerely,

UCMeP-Philanthropy (UCMePP)

UCMePBerkeley@gmail.com

—-If you would like to learn more about UCMeP, the Adopt-a-Regent Campaign, or our other projects please find us on the interwebs at:

www.privatizeUCnow.tumblr.com

Facebook: UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP)

Twitter: UCMeP